If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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