Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
