We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
