Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
