you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
