I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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