just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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