I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
