You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
