Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
