In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
