I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
