Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
