If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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