**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
