420 ftw
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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