we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
