her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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