I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
