Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
