I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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