i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
The adults are the big ones right?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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