he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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