If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
