Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I currently don't understand fingers.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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