I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I have post one night stand depression
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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