Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Two words: blizzard sex
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
