I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
