please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
