So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize