the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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