Moan for me like Helen Keller
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
