Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
