if you like me you must not know who I am
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize