grandma shit on top of the toilet
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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