I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
