please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
