I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
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