Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Less talking, more tequila
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
