is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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