Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You ruined the universe
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
