It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
