what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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