She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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