And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The struggles of a small town man whore
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
