just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
