I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
