my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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