all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
