you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
