He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you will always have a special place in my vag
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm really busy with my period
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