never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize