i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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