How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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