A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
