you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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