On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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