We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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