Old men and throwing up are my life now.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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