I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
