there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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