I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
