roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
