I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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