he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
