We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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