pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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