I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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